There are two distinctive types of people when it comes to love. Some people are cautious and guarded. Others often tell them they need to lower their standards. Then there are the people who fall in love at first sight. The people who believe in soul mates. They can be in love within two weeks of knowing someone. Do you know your love type?
I call the first group the box-checkers, and the second group the risk-takers. Falling in love, and making a commitment, is a vastly different process depending on what group you are in. So what do you need to know if you fall in the opposite group of the one you love?
It is a struggle when you care about someone who loves in a completely differing way from your norm. It may cause you to feel like they don’t love you the way you love them. But just because they have a different perspective does not mean they don’t have strong feelings. Always keep that in mind.
I am an emotional risk-taker, but my partner is a box-checker all the way. In the beginning, it was tough at times because I questioned if he cared as much as I did. Now I understand that his love is just processed and expressed in an alternate way. It actually makes me love him even more. He’s the ying to my yang. Being with a person who is your opposite in this realm can absolutely work as long as you respect their way. Here is what I think you need to know.
If you love the Box-Checker
Be prepared to be very patient. The box-checker is not going to jump into anything without careful consideration and preparation. Love is much more complex than having feelings and acting on them. How will it affect everything else in their life? Do your goals align just right with theirs? What about your credit score and income-to-debt ratio?
The box-checker has their ideal life already planned out. It is a struggle for them to adjust all because they found someone they love. Love is not the be-all, end-all in their minds. It is a piece of the puzzle. A very large piece, but still not everything.
When you love a box-checker, you have to consider all of this. Just because they don’t jump into saying “I love you”, or moving in together, or marriage does not mean that they don’t actually care about you and want those things. They just cannot operate based solely on emotion. Everything needs to be thought through so the best decision can be made.
The biggest thing you can do for the box-checker is give them the time and space they need. Forcing yourself on them will close them off. They need time to process and let love grow. Don’t take the space personally. Demonstrate your love by showing them understanding and meeting their needs.
If you love the Risk-Taker
When you love a risk-taker, be prepared for a whirlwind romance. They either fall hard and quick or not at all. They are not scared of getting hurt because they feel the reward could be worth the risk. Relationships with risk-takers can be intense. They are prone to passion and drama.
The risk-takers don’t know how to be half-invested when it comes to love. This can be hard to adjust to if you do not express your love like this. You have to be able to keep your relationship grounded while allowing them to fully express their emotions.
When you upset them, they may respond in a way you consider over-the-top. They don’t know any other way. They love hard, and they fight hard. You cannot have one without the other. Emotion controls all of their actions.
To be with a risk-taker for the long-term, you need to love that over-the-top passion and affection. Embrace it and don’t make them feel unwanted by discounting their emotional reactions. People that feel this strongly appreciate a partner who celebrates them, as many people in their life have probably made them feel guilty for not being more subdued.
Most of the time you can figure out which love type someone falls into by looking at how they approach all the other areas of their life. Most people that are highly calculated with their career and finances are box-checkers. The free spirits are often the risk-takers. Every once in a while, though, you will encounter someone who is the complete opposite when it comes to love.
I am sure you have heard that love has the ability to make people do crazy things. This is why you hear of people who are normally very reserved that fall in love and marry someone in a month. I call these people wildcards. If you fall in love with one, you will know pretty quickly. Just keep in mind, when you deal with them regarding your relationship you will need to approach it differently from all the other aspects in their lives. Their love type doesn’t match their lifestyle.
Neither the box-checkers or the risk-takers are wrong. People should be able to love any way that makes them feel happy and fulfilled. Understanding and knowing how you love, and how your partner loves, is valuable to know so that you do not step on each other’s feelings though.