Lesson Two: Distrust
Welcome to Lesson Two from Distressed to Darling!
(If you missed Lesson One, read it here! Also, do not miss your 18 page workbook! Just sign up and it will be sent to your email.)
Due to your past, chances are you instinctively distrust everyone from the very beginning. You don’t want to do this, but you cannot help yourself. No one wants to get hurt. It’s terrifying to make yourself vulnerable to another person. Especially after you have already been burned by someone else. This is hard to understand for a partner who has not been subjected to a traumatic past relationship though.
Your partner sees all the reasons you should be willing to trust them. They see that they have given you no reason not to. Self-protection is natural to everyone, but not to the extent displayed by people trying to overcome a tumultuous past relationship. Your partner likely tries to see your feelings from your perspective. However, they can only do so much. Ultimately it is up to you to get to a place where you are open to trusting again.
Let’s look at the evidence:
Has your partner given you a reason not to trust them? Do they lie about things? Do they get defensive if you ask them about details? If you haven’t experienced any reason for distrust to build, then look next at all the things they do to build trust. (If you do have reasons to question your partner, you need to evaluate those reasons further. Sometimes your instinct not to trust someone may be warranted and is not just caused by your past circumstances.)
Now let’s take the time to list all of the ways your partner has earned your trust. There are likely a lot of little things you overlook because you are focused on protecting yourself.
Some examples may be:
- They are loyal and dedicated to the other people in their lives (family, friends, bosses, etc.). A person who is committed to all the other people in their life are likely capable and want to be devoted to a healthy relationship with you also.
- They are an open book and don’t keep secrets. You don’t need to know every little detail of their life, but they would be willing to answer any question you have honestly. People that are untrustworthy are generally full of things they are trying to hide. They don’t like to be asked questions. It puts them at risk of sharing too many secrets.
- They do not have a history of traumatic or painful relationships. If they have never been abusive or cheated with anyone else, they are less likely to be that way with you. Most people have patterns in their behaviors. If you don’t know if they have, ask them. If they say they have not (and nothing contradicts that) then try to believe what they say.
What are you protecting yourself from? A happy, loving relationship. You have to be willing to take a chance on someone who has proved to you that they are worth trusting. If you will never take a chance then you will never be able to find love. Do not let your current hurt stand in the way of your future happiness.
Psst… your workbook is waiting.
To go with this mini-course, I have created an 18 page workbook that you can use to personalize the information to you! It includes an assessment, a partner questionnaire, journal prompts, an action plan template, and more. The workbook is designed to assist you in recognizing any behaviors you may be exhibiting toward your partner because of someone who hurt you in the past. You may not even realize you are doing it! Once you know, you can focus on making adjustments to get the relationship you and your partner both deserve! One filled with love, trust, and connection. Just enter your email below and the full workbook will be sent to your inbox. This free workbook is an exclusive offer for my subscribers. Don’t miss it!