From Distressed to Darling: Projection

Lesson One: Projection

Hello! The information below was originally set up to be an email course, exclusively for my subscribers, but I decided I wanted to share the information with all my readers! But there is a bonus  set up for all my subscribers. Enter your email on any of the lessons and have the 18 page workbook delivered straight to your inbox! It really personalizes the information to you, and helps you get the results you are looking for! Let’s get started.

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LessonOne

Enduring a traumatic, dysfunctional relationship takes a huge toll on your self-esteem. This is probably one of the longest lasting effects. When someone tells us something negative about ourselves we tend to dwell on it, whether there is any truth to it or not. When we do not have positive thoughts about ourselves or other aspects of our lives we often project these feelings outward. This can cause a great amount of frustration in our partners.

Our partners are the people we are generally closest to and spend a lot of our time with. Because of this, they get to experience some of our less than desirable behaviors. They face the repercussions of the trauma caused by your last partner right along with you. This act already requires a massive amount of love and strength. It becomes even harder for them when they are facing your negative projections.

Some Common Projections:

  1. You feel unloveable (or broken) so they must think so too.
  2. You are still recovering from your ex so they cannot be over theirs either.
  3. You feel you aren’t attractive, smart, funny, etc. enough so they must be constantly looking for someone better.
  4. You don’t want to spend the rest of your life as this version of yourself so that is why they surely don’t want to commit their life to you.
  5. You feel lost and unsatisfied with the direction of some of the aspects of your life (work, friendships, etc.) so they are likely unsatisfied with you.

If you tell someone over and over again that they don’t love you or that they are not actually happy with you, they just might start to wonder if you are right. When you are projecting negative thoughts about yourself, you are convincing your partner that they are true. They likely didn’t feel like you were damaged or unpretty or not worth committing to before you kept telling them that is how they feel. Projecting causes a problem, it does not bring a pre-existing problem to light like you may be trying to convince yourself it does.

Some Unfortunate (but totally normal) Partner Reactions:

  1. Your partner will start to question your relationship (as described above).
  2. He/she will likely become exhausted by constantly having to tell you that you are wrong and may stop correcting you when you project.
  3. Your partner will begin to resent you questioning their feelings.
  4. He/she may become withdraw and not be affectionate because they do not know how you will respond.

The problem is, your partner’s responses will just make you feel more awful and the projections will get worse. But I am here to help you STOP this cycle!

If you have any questions, please feel free to reach me by email at samantha@secondhandcompass.com. You can access Lesson Two, here!

Enduring a traumatic, dysfunctional relationship takes a huge toll on your self-esteem. This can cause you to project negatively at your new partner. Click here for 5 tips to let love in after a damaging relationship. #secondhandcompass #relationships #loveagain

To go with this mini-course, I have created an 18 page workbook that you can use to personalize the information to you! It includes an assessment, a partner questionnaire, journal prompts, an action plan template, and more. The workbook is designed to assist you in recognizing any behaviors you may be exhibiting toward your partner because of someone who hurt you in the past. You may not even realize you are doing it! Once you know, you can focus on making adjustments to get the relationship you and your partner both deserve! One filled with love, trust, and connection. Just enter your email below and the full workbook will be sent to your inbox. This free workbook is an exclusive offer for my subscribers. Don’t miss it!

Subscribe to get your Free Workbook



Enduring a traumatic, dysfunctional relationship takes a huge toll on your self-esteem. This can cause you to project negatively at your new partner. Click here for 5 tips to let love in after a damaging relationship. #secondhandcompass #relationships #loveagain Enduring a traumatic, dysfunctional relationship takes a huge toll on your self-esteem. This can cause you to project negatively at your new partner. Click here for 5 tips to let love in after a damaging relationship. #secondhandcompass #relationships #loveagain,

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