There are generally two camps when it comes to meeting potential partners. There is the camp that tells you that you should be actively putting yourself out there. Trying to mingle and go on blind dates. Then there is the camp who tells you not to look. They tell you that when someone is meant to come in your life, then they will.
But there is a lesser known third camp. Somewhere between wearing a flashing “I’m single” sign and absent-mindedly staring at your phone knowing that Prince Charming will just cross your path when you are not even paying attention. I like to call this approach the meeting medium.
The meeting medium is simple. You are in the world willing and watching for interesting people to meet. But you are not eagerly searching. You are in the middle ground area.This approach encourages you to pursue dating in a relaxed way. It stops you from trying to impress people. It stops you from overlooking red flags just to be part of an “us”.
The meeting medium mentality requires THREE working parts.
- Personal goals and growth.
- A strong, unwavering idea of what you are looking for.
Whether you are single or not, it is key to have personal goals. You want to be a fulfilled human being without being tied to another person. That way when the right person comes along, you already know who you are and where you are headed. So instead of planning your life in terms of “I want to be married in the next five years”, set goals you can achieve all by your-damn-self. What career goals do you have? Plan some exciting travel. Don’t spend your life waiting for someone else to get you to a place where you are happy. Get happy and the person can go ahead and meet you there.
Your worth should be determined by only you. Not the outside world, or a partner. When you feel good about yourself you are less likely to get into a relationship with the wrong person. You aren’t going to be willing to chase anyone. Or to fall into the games that often come with dating. I mean, what jerk decided to go ahead and think just disappearing after five dates an acceptable behavior?!
Patience is ultra-attractive. If you are overly eager, it can been seen as desperate. And you are far from desperate! Patience gives you time to get to know a person. To decide if they really are interesting and interested. You get time to discover new things about the person before you already have your kids’ names picked out. Maybe you will decide you don’t even really like the person that much once you spend some time together. You don’t want to overly invest too early and regret it later.
Maybe you have a hard time being patient because you are scared you will not end up finding someone to spend your life with. Don’t let that fear blind you! That fear is not realistic. There are 7 billion people in the world. Almost all of which you have never met. Don’t lose your patience and convince yourself to be with that mostly boring man your sister’s friend set you up with because he fell into your lap. You deserve love you don’t have to convince yourself to be in! Sometimes, that takes patience.
An Unwavering Idea of What You Are Looking For
If you don’t know what you want, you won’t know when you bump into it at a friend’s birthday party. It is important to figure out what type of life you want and what type of person fits into that life. Look at your personal goals, and figure out how another person plays into that. What traits does that person need to possess?
Once you get to know someone a little more, do their goals align with yours? Are there any non-negotiable areas they don’t agree with? Sometimes these situations work themselves out, but you have to be willing to be the one to give up the life you envisioned without resentment. If you cannot do that, you should not expect them to either. Look at how the person fits into your life early on. It never gets any easier.
Meeting medium = approachable and appealing
With the meeting medium approach, you are happily engaging with the world. Doing your thing. Open to meeting someone, but not out only because you are trying to find love. You are taking your time and you will know what is worth pursuing when you find it. It gives you the upper hand in your own love life. You are active, yet relaxed, at the same time. People are drawn to that dynamic.
Good things, including love, don’t often just fall into your life without a little effort. But don’t ever let that one aspect define your life!
What is your dating approach? I would love to hear what has worked for you!